I don’t like the idea of being invasive or having my space invaded on. It’s easier when people are at an arm’s length away; within reach if either of us need help, but still at bay.

I was reminded today that Christmas, and the coming of Christ into the world and into our lives, was/is invasive. Uncomfortably close. Present. And in the example of Elizabeth and Zechariah, I was reminded that when I enjoy such an intimacy with God, this intrusion doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or awkward, but welcome. Welcome because I trust Him with the things that are sensitive and uncertain; things that hold my identity and that give my life meaning. And I can do this because His love is certain and sure. Zechariah and Elizabeth applied the gospel deeply in their lives because they enjoyed it deeply, and trust grew from love.

Isn’t this just the same with people? It is easier to shrink away, and much more difficult to be honest when it is uncomfortable or awkward, but human relationships of any kind are about intimacy and trust. It is saying, “I want you in my life enough to share this ugly and uncomfortable part of myself with you.” And I think in the same way, it is easier to do this when a friendship is enjoyed and the intimacy is experienced and realized. And trust grows from love.

Anyway. Blogging the night before my neuroanatomy exam. Sigh. Some things never change…

Full On – Rachael Yamagata

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.Psalm 143:8

Dear Jesus, in the morning, at mid-day, in the afternoon and throughout the night, keep on bringing us word of your unfailing love. That’s all we need, that’s all we really need. By the Holy Spirit, incessantly gossip the gospel in our inmost ear. Wrap the good news of your boundless, endless affections around our hearts, tighter and tighter and tighter. Permeate every bit of our being with your fresh mercies, steadfast love and transforming grace, for we have put our trust in you.

Jesus, it’s the assurance of your unfailing love which enables us to trust you with the changes we go through in life and the uncertainties about the future. Change is never easy. Change makes us feel vulnerable, fearful and insecure. We get tempted, once again, to be our own savior. Spare us that misery, Jesus, spare us and those we love. Now’s not a time to lean on our own understanding or walk by the light our own torches (Isaiah 50:10-11). May your Word dwell in us richly, your peace rule in us powerfully, your Spirit pray in us effectually. We want your glory be our main passion and delight.

We’ve entrusted our lives to you, Jesus, because you alone are trustworthy. We’ve given you our sins, wounds, brokenness and weakness. Now, in fresh surrender, we give you our planning for the next season of our lives. Show us the way we should go through our transitions—transitions of age and stage; loses and crosses; career and calling; health and finances; relationships and ministries. Write stories of redemption beyond our wildest dreams and hopes. It’s all about you, Jesus, not us. It’s all about your glory and our growth.

We’re not so arrogant as to expect all the details. Just take us by the hand and lead the way. Shepherd us, Jesus, open doors we cannot shut and shut doors we cannot open. All we need to know is that you love us and that you’re with us. You’ve promised us both, and you do not lie. So very Amen we pray, in your peerless and priceless name.

-Scotty Smith

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favour and honour. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Psalm 84:11-12

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

Matthew 7:7-11

He raises up the needy out of affliction and make their families like flocks. The upright see it and are glad, and all wickedness shuts its mouth. Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.

Psalm 107:43

 
It’s been a Sara Bareilles kind of week.

Reminds me of Nouwen’s With Open Hands.

Today was a good school day, like a heart “aha!” day. It helped because I was in the building until 6pm tonight, so the three hours of class going by quickly was nice. For OT Practice, they brought in two panels of clinicians from the community practicing in lots of different areas: ortho, behavioural neurology, medical legal, peds, community health, mental health, community mental health…etc. They basically told us one-by-one about their practice areas, contexts of practice and what they loved about their jobs/what was challenging.

There were some that were not as interesting to me, but the ones that were were really interesting. One of the OTs had left her job in an acute care hospital to work at Four Villages Community Health Centre in the west end of the city. She talked about how she took a significant pay cut, but she reminds herself that she loves her job and working in community health is her passion, and that’s why she does it every day. She also talked a lot about how they see a lot of people who are uninsured, on ODSP, or are new immigrants at her CHC, and how she loves meeting people where they are and getting to know them in the context of their community. I’m drawn to the concept of CHCs. I like what they do and the services they provide, but I’m not 100% sure how much I will like the practice environment – way less team based than in a hospital, slower, more group work, a lot of independent work.

Two other OTs also spent some time talking about mental health. I think this is an area I’m really curious about, mostly because of working in dual diagnosis in Kingston, but I’m not sure if I would be very good at it. The one was working in a community mental health program out of Sunnybrook and really advocated for more funding going toward mental health services. She did a quick class survey and asked us how many people knew someone who had had cancer and how many knew someone who had had a mental health issue. The majority of people raised their hands for both, but she went on to point out that the funding for research and clinical care for both is significantly different. Mental health just doesn’t have the celeb sex-appeal as cancer does (not to take away from it), which is so unfortunate because it is just as pervasive.

The other OT who spoke about this was probably the one who really left an impression on me. He worked with patients with schizophrenia at CAMH and spent most of his 5 minutes telling us about a client with whom he had developed a memory aid for by taking pictures of a specific travel route so the client could remember how to get to/from appointments, work, and eventually to see his family. It was less about his intervention than it was about the way he talked about it that did it for me. He was so passionate, so genuinely interested in what was important to his client, and so akin to the idiosyncrasy of meaning… He finished by saying that he loved what he did because no day was similar, every day had a different meaning and that getting to know clients relationally over time was a true privilege.

Annnnnnnd my heart melted.

I’ll leave you with something we discussed in class not too long ago that I was reminded of when I listened to CAMH OT speak. Our prof gave us this question to think about: Would you rather live to be 100 and stay in a bed all day everyday? Or live to 40 and be able to do anything and everything you want to do? Is our ultimate goal to just be healthy? Or is health a resource for every day life?

For someone with a poor memory, I’m not sure if this is always true. I don’t know about you, but often distance and time apart leads me to selectively remember only certain parts of someone – sometimes only negative things or a first/last impression. Eventually, this sometimes leads me to indifference… outta sight, outta mind.

I find this is true with some of my friends who I don’t get to see or talk to regularly. But I was reminded today of how good it is to see old friends, because it helps me to remember and appreciate them for all they are. It’s like when you are trying to remember a movie that is hazy in your memory, and then you re-watch it, and you realize you had forgotten the best part of the movie completely. That is how I felt today with an old friend whose friendship had slipped from my mind… but being there, laughing and sharing and remembering … it reminded me that friendship like that is to be treasured.

I was thinking about this today and how friendship really is messy and uncomfortable. You’re often dragged through the mud, people’s feelings get hurt, it requires you to step up/suck it up when it’s the last thing you want to do, and it always puts you in a vulnerable place. But I think it is exactly these difficult things that make friendship worth something – when it has weathered the storms of insecurity, change, heartbreak, confusion, growing up, moving on.

So, remembering is important – with friends, as it is with God. It’s not my tendency to remember His faithfulness, or remember things that are out of sight and out of mind, but making a point to do that leads me to thankfulness.

On that note, I’m finding this also true with music. It’s so easy to forget the bands who were good to you in your youth!!! But I am spending this weekend with Death Cab and am leaving you with this oldie but goodie.

Happy thxgiving!

Jesus tells this story about the kingdom of heaven being like a magnificent wedding banquet that a king holds for his son. Everything is prepared, but none of the guests who were invited decide to show up; instead, they ignore the invitation and kill the deliverers who had come with the good news. So the king tells his servants to go out to the streets and invite as many people as possible to join the celebration and the wedding hall is filled with many guests of all kinds. Then, the king notices a guest without appropriate wedding garments, and he asks, “How did you get in here without a wedding garment?”. And the man is speechless, so the king throws him out, saying, “many are called, but few are chosen.”

We were talking about this, especially the last part of this parable… and what it means that the king is so full of joy that he invites everyone, but still rejects some. And it reminded me of people I know who have come, and seen, and know much about Christianity – like those friends who can even tell me how to get back on track with God when we aren’t doing well – but are there just enjoying the knowledge from afar. Like a guest who has been invited off the street, welcomed in without attachment, or knowledge, or relationship with the king and his son.

But then, we realize that the king doesn’t accept everyone; all are invited, but there’s an expectation to prepare, to come ready to meet the king. And it makes me think about these friends, or these kinds of people, who come for probably a lot of different reasons…but are unprepared to really meet him and unprepared to really become a guest that is known and an actual part of the celebration. So why do they come? What draws them to come to the feast at all, and what stops them from intimately knowing the king? We were talking about this, and how sad this is… to know, and to be so close, but not to really know at all.

But I think after our conversation last night, I realized that it also makes me think of myself, in how often I come to God just wanting to observe or receive. Like wedding crashing or something, all the benefits without the real heart investment and preparation. But with that, you also don’t experience the shared joy the same way you do when you are invested, when you personally know the hosts and are able to share in their joy with them. And I think, too, that when you know someone intimately – and in this parable, when you know it is the banquet of a king, and who the king is – you will prepare, because you are aware of the context and your company. And preparation says a lot about how much you value that company.

Anyway, writing this post reminds me of this song and this song… which I just realized Feist also
covered! Thank you, YouTube, for making my Tuesday playlist.